elemancy | week 3; bros who suffer together, survive together (maybe)

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week 3; bros who suffer together, survive together (maybe)

[most of the afternoon was spent outside the reaches of the main town, out on the homestead. it was... not easy. nor was it fun. really? noct could use probably about.

oh, who knows?

84 naps? 84 naps sounds good.

either way, before he does that—there's someone else he sorely needs to check on. but when noctis doesn't see percy anywhere in sight, his first thought is to see if he's in his room. he... understands this well. too well, given what had happened in altissia.

(though perhaps worse in some ways, if only because noctis saw it and was helpless, but this isn't a competition for worst way for your girl to die and be dead, so he's sure as hell not considering it that way.)

he'll knock softly at the door.]

Hey... it's me. [noct is so good at greetings, right?] Got a sec?

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[He's tired. He's so, so tired and he doesn't know how to even spin a bright side to this. Even in the depths of Tartarus he could find some hope but that was when he had Annabeth at his side. This time he realizes he's really, truly alone.

It's why for the most part of the afternoon he stays on his bed curled protectively around his dog, keeping watch to make sure he's not in too much pain and not really comprehending what's happened. Three bodies. Annabeth. Her necklace has been restrung with the coral pendant, a gift he'd given her when they first started dating.

He went 12 years without knowing her, but he never thought he'd ever live a life where he would be without her after that. As demigods, one of the things they truly have to worry about is dying young.

This was different.

Noctis's voice jars him out of his thoughts and he sits up, debating if he wants to answer. Short after though, he heads to the door and opens it. The look on his face is incredibly blank and almost broken, unsure of what to say but silently stepping aside to let him in.]

Hey. What's up?

[he knows that look, because he can see himself in it—the way he felt in the could of weeks before arriving to this shithole.

luna.

it still leaves noct's chest heavy to think about, so he just... he feels for percy in a way that he's not sure other people can. it's hard to help, because that wound is still open and raw for him. he's been doing all he can to keep that out bay out of completely necessity... but it's a bit tough for him to bite that back right now. he can feel that sorrow straight into his core.]

"What's up." [he repeats it back as he enters the room—obviously, he's got a reason for being here that they both know. he'll take a moment, flopping down because.

well, tbh?

he's not just here to shoot the shit. this isn't a casual check in like previous weeks—this is heavier and more serious.]

Came to, uh... you know. See how you're holding up. [he's honest about it, at least. he's not going to ask if percy's okay. he's not going to tell him things will be fine.

because they're not and they won't be.

he's here more to make sure percy doesn't lose himself, that he'll be able to carry on without completely losing it. because he needs to get through this, he needs to survive, and he needs to avenge annabeth in the best way possible.]

[Noctis makes himself comfortable and Percy follows suit, curling around Mrs. O'Leary once more even as he listens. It's probably for the best that someone like Noctis checks on him because it's entirely possible for Percy to lose his mind, lose his sense of self, lose who he's supposed to be. Without Annabeth, who is he? Without a goal, without being able to save people and prevent these things from happening...

...it should have been him. Always. It always should have been him to keep her safe.]

...if someone wins this game, they get to make a wish, right? They can wish for people to come back. [His voice is soft and unsure, probably unlike anything Noctis is used to hearing from him and sounding every bit of 16 that he is.] After everything that's happened, do you really think that's true?

It'd be nice if it was that easy.

[but nothing is ever that easy. people don't just come back from the dead—not without paying a steep price, he's sure.]

You really willing to give into their game for that prize, though? [if it's even true, it would mean having to play the game their way—and bloodying his own hands in the process.

would percy really consider killing someone, or likely one of the other many loopholes just to get her back?

...he thinks about that though. would he do the same for luna? he was pissed. he was hurt and he despaired. but would he sacrifice innocent lives to bring her back? no... of course he wouldn't.

(though killing the one responsible, noct could understand being less remorseful about.)] That's what they want.

[for them to give in to their more primal feelings and act out. that's what entertains these sick fucks, right?]

[The scary part is he doesn't answer. He doesn't answer right away because he's thinking about it now. Would he kill to get Annabeth back? Of course not. But there are other options. There's always another way. Annabeth and Percy had just been talking about this earlier in the week and it's almost laughable now.]

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to end this. Even if I don't know what that is yet.

[noctis doesn't even realize that there's a breath he's holding back until he percy speaks, and that's when the quiet sigh escapes his lips.

he may have been expecting the worst there.]

Yeah. [he gets it. noct can't even say there aren't specific extremes he'd be willing to go to in order to do what was needed for the greater good.]

One... thing at a time, though. [before they start worrying about vengeance, or how to end things, they need to get through this day. and percy—he's going to need percy to not be at people's throats when the trial rolls around.] Let's... just deal with what's in front of us first.

What's in front of us is tomorrow's trial and finding who killed her and the others. [His fists ball up in his lap but he's doing what he can to keep his anger in check. Noctis, you might have your work cut out for you.] We're gonna be locked in a room with someone who willingly destroyed her and those other people and who's going to lie to our faces to get away with murder. I'm not letting that happen. I can't.

[There's a pause.] Noctis I don't want to be wrong this week. I don't know if I could handle that.

I know. Being wrong once was enough. But... we're not detectives, either.

[he gets it. he does. but he also doesn't think it would be right to blindly say or encourage that they'll definitely succeed. they failed last weeks, and things are even more messy right now than before.]

We'll do what we can. I'm not planning on sitting back and taking this without a fight, either.

[if nothing else, for percy and xion's sake. but he did lose an information-faring ally in riku, so he does feel a bit discouraged about progressing with finding an end to this game with one less person helping him.]

But let's worry about tomorrow... tomorrow. We can't do anything about that right now. [he's more worried about percy in the now anyway.]

We can't do anything about anything right now. [Again, it's fair. His mind's racing and he's still amped up a little, unsure of what to do without Annabeth anymore.] If we get a head start on thinking about tomorrow's trial, the better our chances will be of executing whoever's responsible.

I just... have no idea how we're even gonna get a headstart until we have everything.

[honestly. he gets it. he does, because he'd want to do the same in percy's shoes—but...]

Tonight... take care of yourself first. [please, percy. please do at least that much. he's worried, naturally. but... ugh.

where to even start?]

I'm okay, Noctis. [Other than he's shaking and a little distracted, already letting his thoughts wander again.] I need to be ready for tomorrow and that means knowing what I'm up against. I can handle this.

If Annabeth and I were in opposite positions, she'd do the same.

...I don't buy it.

[not that he's looking to pick a fight with percy. he just...

he knows what it feels like. so it's hard to believe the words "i'm okay," after something so dark and cruel. not to mention there's the whole "you're the one who's still alive," aspect.

but he doesn't say that, because noctis isn't that harsh.] We know what we're up against as much as we can right now. It's—this isn't a thing you just go "I'm okay" over.

[he knows likely better than most here about that.]

Noctis I have to be. At least until I find her killer. I can't take time not to be when she's counting on me to figure this out and when other people are counting on me to help piece together what happened to Riku and Nui, too. It makes sense, doesn't it?

[He may have had a few people already tell him and question his ability to hold it together tomorrow.]

Listen to me.

[seriously, percy, just listen to him.]

Don't—don't hold it back. You're not gonna help her or anyone if you try to get from now through the weekend without letting some of it out. It's a bad idea.

[he's incredibly sincere in his words, even if—well, it's clearly difficult for noctis to actually get the words out the right way.

pep talks are not his thing. but, still.]

I'm... speaking from experience here. I know. I know how bad it goes.

[It jars him out of whatever he was thinking, but only just long enough to give Noctis a very, very curious look. He knows it's important to grieve but at the same time it's important to help and discuss and carry on.]

...experience like this? Or something else?

I... was engaged before this.

[well, things happened a while before they got here, but still.]

And I was right there when she— [he sucks in a breath, it's still hard for him to talk about because it's barely been a couple of months since it happened.] I couldn't do anything.

[to save her.

so he knows. he knows what it's like to lose that person, and he knows what it's like to cope really poorly with it, too.]

Edited 2017-02-06 01:54 (UTC)

[Oh...he suddenly looks horrified that he asked and he shakes his head.]

Dude, it's fine, you don't...I'm sorry. I didn't know. [Like. Obviously. It's because of that though that he says...] ...I want to marry her. [Not wanted. Want. He believes he'll find a way to save her even in all of this.] We talked about going to college together and staying together...starting a family. All of that was planned.

I didn't think most people would really get it, or they'd think it's crazy.

I'm not "most people." Never have been.

[kind of comes with the territory of being who he is and all. either way, he's shaking his head—he doesn't blame percy for asking.

it's still just difficult for him to talk about openly. he's not great at opening up about himself as it is, after all.]

But I get it. That's why I'm here now, you know. [because he needs someone around who does get it.

that's what friends do, right?]

I think you and I have that in common, too. ["Percy, you're not normal." How many times did he hear that growing up even before understanding what that meant? It made things harder, and yet when he found his way to Camp and met people like Annabeth for the first time, it helped him feel a little more normal. He wonders if Noctis's fiancee made him feel that way, too.]

...what did you do after it happened? I mean...what can we do from here? [That is to say he's willing to listen to Noctis and actually let his guard down a bit, knowing it's a little safer to do so.]

Kept to myself. Held it in til things got worse.

[which is why he's trying to. you know, make sure percy doesn't actually do that. things go really bad in sulking and trying to bear the weight of it alone.

the line between not placing his burden on others and selfishly sulking was blurred.

there's guilt that comes with that, for how he treated the friends most precious to him. they're his brothers, after all, that's how this is—he doesn't want percy to make his mistakes, even if the relationships aren't at all the same.]

You need to keep going. Make sure... that what happened doesn't go in vain. Keep living.

[don't make enemies out of grief, don't recklessly throw life away for vengeance. something like that.]

[That. Suddenly makes a lot more sense, and he exhales softly upon realizing it. It's another moment before he drops his head in his hands and closes his eyes to focus on just breathing and not completely losing his shit.]

I don't have another choice. [He doesn't. With Annabeth gone, the path has been laid clear. He knows that and he's silent again.] I have to find who's responsible, and I have to keep playing to stop the game all together.

[There's a lingering pause.] ...where Annabeth and I are from, there's always been a good chance of one of us dying young. That's just how it is for demigods. I just always thought I'd at least be there to stop it and let it be me instead. I have to keep living to bring her back, I know that.

[Doesn't make this any better, of course.] You had other people then, didn't you?

[for a moment, noct is quiet in understanding, and in giving percy a minute to express what he needs to.

he gets it.

just like he's always been at risk at that as a prince, just as his friends have for being his protectors—that chance has always been there. and don't they all always think they'll be the to stop a threat when it arises?

he thinks so. it's not until the reality of how helpless they are really sets in.

but he nods at that question.]

Yeah. I did, back then... I did.

Did it help to have them? [He wonders how people even process grief. He's never really had time to think it over, personally, but it doesn't seem to hurt to ask Noctis.]

It's... kind of complicated.

[normally, it would have helped.] A lot was happening, so...

[he doesn't have a good metric; he caved on himself and everyone else dealt with a lot of the other fallout from what happened that day.]

I think I get that, too. [He frowns lightly.] There's never enough time to react to stuff back home. It almost feels the same in this place, too. We know the same thing's going to come week after week but somehow we never know how to deal with it because something else happens.

I wish I knew of a way to make things less complicated, you know? Wouldn't that be something?

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