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week 3; someone get this kid a punching bag.
[they fucked up. they fucked up so bad, and noctis knows...
well, he's partially responsible this time.
it's a heavy, weighted sickening feeling. what the hell kind of prince—kind of king can he be? he didn't save anyone back home; not his family, nor his betrothed, not even his friends could escape getting wounded at his hand. and then this place comes along, and the carnage is so raw. people close to his friends—
people who are innocent.
how many more people are going to get hurt or killed while he's like this, helpless to defend them?
it all starts to spill over. it's been weeks upon weeks of loss and pain, and while he's kept so much of that muted to try and do a better job—so he could go home to eos and save everyone there from the troubles that come with a certain empire STEALING!!! THE CRYSTAL!!!! but he's not fully equipped for this, and without the chocobros there to give him some sense of reason, he loses his cool. that's why he bolts from the building the moment he's able to. and he makes it a bit away, to another nearby building before.]
Dammit, why!? [he's yelling it to no one as he just... slams his fist into the building. which hurts like fucking hell, because noctis is definitely not strong enough to defeat a load-bearing wall. that's. probably going to bruise later, honestly.]
well, he's partially responsible this time.
it's a heavy, weighted sickening feeling. what the hell kind of prince—kind of king can he be? he didn't save anyone back home; not his family, nor his betrothed, not even his friends could escape getting wounded at his hand. and then this place comes along, and the carnage is so raw. people close to his friends—
people who are innocent.
how many more people are going to get hurt or killed while he's like this, helpless to defend them?
it all starts to spill over. it's been weeks upon weeks of loss and pain, and while he's kept so much of that muted to try and do a better job—so he could go home to eos and save everyone there from the troubles that come with a certain empire STEALING!!! THE CRYSTAL!!!! but he's not fully equipped for this, and without the chocobros there to give him some sense of reason, he loses his cool. that's why he bolts from the building the moment he's able to. and he makes it a bit away, to another nearby building before.]
Dammit, why!? [he's yelling it to no one as he just... slams his fist into the building. which hurts like fucking hell, because noctis is definitely not strong enough to defeat a load-bearing wall. that's. probably going to bruise later, honestly.]
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it's a good thing, to be sure.]
I know. Not the kind of thing anyone can really handle alone, right?
[which...
well, is to say for noct that he'll be relying on having that kind of support behind him.]
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[So ultimately...they have to depend on each other, even if he knows that trust isn't exactly easy in a place like this. But still--]
They intend to remove all trust we may have in each other through this game.
I shall not allow for it.
[Or at least... he'll try....]
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[even though it's clear that noctis wants to trust in people too. he's not into the idea of believing everyone may be his enemy, or that he'll be betrayed at the drop of a hat.
he knows it's possible. of course he does; he was raised with healthy dose of knowing that he has to have some skepticism.
but that optimism is the thing he's trying to hold on to in order to get through this situation. it's so tough otherwise—this is what noct has to cling to.]
I guess... we gotta find the ones that really can't be trusted, though.
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[Which is a frightening thought, but--]
Nonetheless, a life jumping at shadows is hardly a life at all. Yes, we must be wary, and yes, we must find those traitors who would cause us harm... but that does not mean we must spend our time here doubting every last situation we face, either.
[They have to do their best, after all.]
Be cautious, but do not despair. We are not alone in this place, and that is a strength, not a weakness.
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[he's really trying to keep as positive an outlook as he can about it.]
Not really into suspecting the worst of people anyway. [he draws in a breath, quiet.] Messed up as it is...
I think even good people will play the game if their backs are against the wall. It doesn't make it okay, but I... I still get it.
Nobody really deserved to die in the first place, but it's not like I expect everyone to be ready to give up their own lives to save someone else. That's.. hard to do.
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[he can't deny that much; even if Barnham would give his life willingly in the defense of his city or innocents, he can't blame people for not being willing to make that same sacrifice. He became a knight solely because he was prepared for that fate, should it ever come.]
There is little room for mercy in this game, which, I believe...is all the more reason we must remember to hold to our mercy, and our empathy.
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[he wants to have at least that much faith in himself.]
If I haven't snapped by now, I think I can handle it. [with how badly this entire week went, the closest he came to losing it was punching a wall.
which really... isn't all that bad.
all things considered.]
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[Except that the pressure is going to get worse and worse as they go.
Welp. IT'S PROBABLY FINE.]
Keeping your head held high... is the best that can be done at a time like this. They shall not break you.
[It's a good thing--he's proud.]
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...which is not to say he wouldn't ever end a life at all, but he wouldn't do it just because of this game, and it would have to be truly deserved and justified.
(you know, like some smarmy ass guy responsible for ruining his entire life? fuck ardyn izunia with a piping hot dildo, etc.)]
Yeah. I'll do my best. But... you gotta do the same too.