![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
week 5; drowning our problems in liquor
[the walk is heavy, weighted with the morning's tragedies.
it's getting to all of them; he knows that. barnham looking two roommates in a row, and finding their bodies. noct trying to lay low and get through this alive while helping everyone else as much as possible. not that it's working, not when people he cares about keep getting hurt physically and emotionally.
he's felt all this pain before. he's felt it so much that his chest aches watching other people suffer through it. he wanted to prevent this. this is exactly what he's been trying so hard to find a way to stop this. to stop more deaths, to stop more people from suffering losses of their friends, their families, and whatever else may be in-between. it isn't fair.
life isn't fair, and he knows that but this is especially unfair in ways that he just can't comprehend.
but right now, for barnham's sake. he's trying to keep it together. he's trying to keep a hold on his emotions, but as it had once before in his life, it ends up being him holding those feelings in his chest. it's him trying to shove it down because he doesn't have a choice. he has to keep going, people need his help, even though he doesn't know if he can help them at all. he doesn't even feel like he can't help barnham, which is why the silence feels so heavy.]
So, um... [it's like before, and he knows that barnham doesn't want anything resembling his pity. even as they open the door to the saloon and head inside, all he can do is admit, weakly and with the most hollow undertone of a laugh.] Guess it's a little early for happy hour.
it's getting to all of them; he knows that. barnham looking two roommates in a row, and finding their bodies. noct trying to lay low and get through this alive while helping everyone else as much as possible. not that it's working, not when people he cares about keep getting hurt physically and emotionally.
he's felt all this pain before. he's felt it so much that his chest aches watching other people suffer through it. he wanted to prevent this. this is exactly what he's been trying so hard to find a way to stop this. to stop more deaths, to stop more people from suffering losses of their friends, their families, and whatever else may be in-between. it isn't fair.
life isn't fair, and he knows that but this is especially unfair in ways that he just can't comprehend.
but right now, for barnham's sake. he's trying to keep it together. he's trying to keep a hold on his emotions, but as it had once before in his life, it ends up being him holding those feelings in his chest. it's him trying to shove it down because he doesn't have a choice. he has to keep going, people need his help, even though he doesn't know if he can help them at all. he doesn't even feel like he can't help barnham, which is why the silence feels so heavy.]
So, um... [it's like before, and he knows that barnham doesn't want anything resembling his pity. even as they open the door to the saloon and head inside, all he can do is admit, weakly and with the most hollow undertone of a laugh.] Guess it's a little early for happy hour.
no subject
[he frowns; that doesn't make it any easier. he's been "going along" to some extent, in that he isn't actively rebelling against the system or trying to break the rules.
he's been trying to do everything within his power to try and circumvent or find away around it, but that hasn't exactly worked, either. so he just sighs quietly, sipping from his glass.]
Do you have any idea what we should do?
no subject
[It's said with dry, almost black humor, even as Barnham takes another drink of his own drink.
Ugh.
He has no idea, and he feels like really, he should know. But he doesn't.]
no subject
[obviously, noctis believes in that too—there isn't any reason for him not to. he'd hoped, even if faintly...
that maybe barnham came up with some crazy idea that they could try.
but apparently that's not to be, so noct just sort of lets his head dip, taking a swing from the glass. he's not going to get drunk, but this is a hard time, he's not going to hesitate to drink like he might have before.]
no subject
If only.
It's a shame the world doesn't really work that way, and the way Noct's head dips makes him grimace in turn. He's supposed to be someone who can come up with these ideas.
But after all of this time... he has nothing.]
I apologize...for that.
[For not meeting up to expectations.
For not having what they both need--what all of them need right now.]
no subject
[it's not something noctis wants apologies for—that's not fair to either of them.]
Not like I've been any help, either.
[what has he helped at all since the day he showed up here?
(nothing, the answer is nothing.)]
no subject
A fun story.
Full of joy.]
... [He sighs.]
It is knowledge that evades us. Knowledge that would allow us to finish this.
no subject
[they can't give up now.
noct is certain of that, even if his resolve doesn't appear to be quite where it needs to be just yet.]
no subject
[He just lifts his glass, arching his eyebrows at Noct.
TAKE A BREAK... take a breather.]
I assure you, we can and shall return to this soon.
[They need a break.]
no subject
[they need a break. and a nap. but barnham's right—they should probably let it go for now and get their minds off everything that happened.
it can't be doom and gloom all the time, no matter how easy it is to fall into that. noctis knows better—
so they can drink for now instead and put their concerns aside until the morning, when things will undeniably get worse.
(so, so much worse.)]