elemancy | week 6; secrets

[Two children, and a man who'd seemed upright and upstanding. Three people are dead, and they're starting to get to the point where they're so thinned in ranks that... he doesn't know how many more weeks they have.

It's beyond sobering, to be sure.

At the knock, he opens the door; it seems he was about to leave somewhere, but he changes his mind upon seeing Noct.]

... Come in.

...Thanks.

[he's not in great shape—and he knows that banrham probably isn't either. but barnham is someone he can trust.

currently, his shield.

so he appreciates having someone to turn to, because this morning has definitely flipped a lot on its head for noct, and he's not really sure what comes next.]

Remember what I said the other day... how I'd tell you when it was time? [it's time.]

[...Ah.

He gets it.

He gets it completely, and he sighs after a moment, shaking his head.]

Have a seat. I imagine you have much to say.

[He'll just get right to the point, then. He's not sure he's going to like what's to come, but... it's better to know the truth than to hide from it. He's realized that now.]

I'm... not really sure how to say all of it.

[well.] Or any of it.

[he's honestly... really nervous about everything he wants to say.] But... I trust you, so it's not fair to keep you in the dark. Not... when I really think you'd be better off knowing and being able to help.

[but it's hard, because he's the kind of person who keeps his head down when he has to, and when he's supposed to keep a secret, he's pretty good at it.

especially when lives are on the line.]

[He takes a slow breath in, and then breathes it out and nods. Knowledge is dangerous; he's figured that out quite quickly. But... being in the dark is equally dangerous, and he fears he isn't helping anyone that way.

And so?

He has to do this. Just as Noct has to.]

Nothing you say here shall leave this room. You have my word, as Inquisitor of Labyrinthia.

[And he'd rather die than break that.]

[noctis nods, but it's obvious that he's really very nervous about it. even though he trusts barnham this much—he's afraid of how he'll react.

not because he thinks barnham would disbelieve him or reveal anything spoken in this room.

but because he doesn't want barnham's trust in him to erode. he doesn't want barnham to doubt him or his intentions, and he's worried that with what he says, that might happen.]

I...

[he draws in a breath, hands balling into fists as he exhales through his teeth. he's quiet, for a long while.]

...This is hard.

[why is it so hard?

(he knows why, but it sucks.)

it's another tense silence before he manages to spit it out.]

I've... had a role in this game.

[well, it's a start, though probably not a very good one.]

[... It's definitely not a very good start.

Barnham stills, though he doesn't otherwise move. He's quiet for a moment, drawing in a slow breath, and then letting it out.

... A role, huh. Statistically... he knew it was likely someone he trusted had a role. It just...wasn't something he wanted to believe.

Quietly, almost uncertainly:]

...Which? Which role have you...been playing?

[noct can hear those notes of uncertainty, and...

well, it's exactly what he was afraid of. but if nothing else, he's fine with outing himself and nobody else—so that if barnham's trust in him breaks, he can be the one to solely take responsibility.

he won't throw the others that he's worked with under the bus.]

...A Bounty. A role... meant to stay out of sight unless we're needed. [which:]

Taking out bandits who won't do their job, that's part of what we're supposed to do. But...

[he draws in another breath. he feels sick. he's already so upset about shinnosuke's death, among other things that all relate to this role.]

None of us have. The Bounties... they're good people.

[he needs barnham to know that.] We've known... the conditions to end it. And we've been trying hard. So hard.

[it's almost pleading as his head dips. he feels absolutely awful about lying to barnham, about having a role in this, even if he's not among those who have ended lives—

barnham is someone he trusts and respects so much, and he knows he's betrayed that by default.

but there are other truths, and one of them is that he wants barnham to be on their side.]

[... A Bounty, huh. He knows about the Bounty Leader, but not who it is; he knows that there are win conditions, but not necessarily what they are. His knowledge has been threadbare, and what's been picked up over time, but this... this is something else entirely.

But what he knows for certain is that Noct is a good person. He was forced into this, but that doesn't mean he wanted to play this game. He was made to do so, and Barnham has no doubts--he was trying to use his role to help, somehow.

Barnham takes a slow breath, and squares his shoulders, facing Noct head on.]

... Noctis. Keep your head high.

[Don't bow your head, don't dip your chin.]

I have no doubts you have been doing everything within your power to assist the people here, and to find an end to this game. I do not doubt you.

[Not in the least, and this hasn't shaken that trust he says he has.]

[it definitely helps for noctis to hear that—though maybe it's because his own resolve has been shaken so much by everything that's happened. he's worn down, physically and emotionally.

he'd already lost so much, but he still keeps losing more. and in trying to find the answers, they keep finding little more than questions that they don't have answers to.

so when he listens to those orders and he looks up—that wear definitely shows in his expression. he's doing his best to not break down; he's tired and frustrated. he's sick of mourning and feeling like he's running circles.]

I just... don't know if we're going to be able to end this right anymore.

[while he can't say they messed it up, there's a wrench in their plans that he doesn't know how to fix.]

[There's a brief flicker of a thought--that if the people with Roles don't know how they're going to end this, what hope do the rest of them have? He doesn't have any of the information having a Role would bring, and yet he wants to bring an end to this all? Isn't that just Barnham's own hubris?

He doesn't really know... but in the end, Noctis is down, and struggling, and worn down, and Barnham can't...allow that to persist.

Not when Noct has clearly been doing everything he possibly can for the sake of everyone here.]

Tell me... of the ways you know to end this game.

[Maybe together, they can figure it out.]

[and this is exactly why noct trusts barnham as much as he does. because even though he said all that—and by most accounts, that would be enough to break things cleanly.

barnham could easily reveal his role and have blame foisted on him.

but he doesn't, and instead it seems more as if he's looking for ways to help. for that, noct is grateful, even if his composure is cracking a little in the process.

he's struggling.

he's struggling a lot, and while he has his bounties he can also rely on—he thinks he (and they, in general) could use the perspective of someone who hasn't been entrenched in the depths of solving the mysteries of the game.]

The Bounty Leader and the Deputy—one has to kill the other for a chance to end it. That was... the one we've known most.

[and last man standing, he guesses, but that was something none of them would even consider for a moment.]

[This much, he's heard, sort of. Milla mentioned something similar, and he pieces that together quickly enough. The Bounty Leader, who Milla wishes to protect. The Deputy, who she does not trust.

His brow furrows.]

But as you have not yet selected that option, it is clear there is an issue with it.

[...]

Are you searching for another option?

The Bounty Leader wanted to find a way to do it without killing, but... we didn't know who the Deputy was, either until not long ago.

[but that's where things get dicey.]

...The Deputy is dead now. And the Bounty Leader isn't the one who did it.

[he's sure of that much, so it's...

honestly very sickening to think about. it's one of many, and doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the personal issues he has with some of the deaths that they've been met with.]

...Ah.

[WELL THAT WOULD...PRETTY DEFINITIVELY PUT A STOPPER ON THAT, YES.]

In that case, neither of those ends are an option any longer. Another must be accomplished instead.

[he quirks an eyebrow at Noct.]

Have any solutions been offered?

[It's a heavy topic, but...on the flip side, it's something tangible that Barnham can sink his teeth into. For so long it's been faith and honor and hope and nothing else--having something firm to focus on helps him immensely, even if he's not sure if he'll be able to be any proper help.]

Not yet. We... haven't really had a chance to talk yet since that happened.

[but they will, eventually.] But we've been trying. Just... haven't figured it out yet.

[he sighs quietly, head dipping again—though this isn't out of some kind of shame. he's just upset and trying his best to hold it together.]

I think we're missing something big, but.. not sure what the hell it could even be. And...

We're down a couple now, too. [because people just keep?? killing???]

... I see.

[That's certainly difficult. Comrades that you've been holding on to and working so hard to keep close--and then having them be killed in the very game you're trying to stop.

It's no wonder Noct's been having such a hard time of it.

Barnham frowns a moment, thinking.]

I...am sorry. I fear I do not have a solution as of yet. [He knows Noct knows that logically it'd be a bit much to expect one when Barnham has only just learned of this, but still... he doesn't want to let him down. And...he wants to end this too.]

But we shall find one. There... is a solution that shall resolve this.

[All of it.

somehow.]

I... I'm not expecting you to have one.

[he's tired, he's upset, and he frustrated. the energy is draining from him pretty quickly, even though it's still relatively early in the day—

he's slumping and trying pretty desperately to hold himself together. for barnham, but for the other bounties as well, because their losses are definitely hitting them pretty hard now.]

I just... thought you should know the truth.

... It is much appreciated.

[That much is said quietly, in contrast to Noct's frustration. He knows it must have taken a lot of trust and faith to tell him this, and that's something that Barnham treasures.

Something that he wants to protect.

He breathes out a slow breath, and straightens further, certain and calm.]

I believe you have done what you can for those here, Young Noctis. And I shall...choose to continue to hold on to that belief, regardless of this information.

Likewise... I shall tell no one else of what I have been told here.

Thanks.

[he says it quietly, almost broken. it's when his voice finally cracks and he turns away a bit—

it's getting to him.

he lost a friend today—he lost two friends, but he was decidedly closer to one, and he knows that one also trusted in him decently well too. there's mourning that comes with this whole situation, separate of his role entirely.

this is just noct trying to deal with everything—likely too much on his own, but knowing he has to carry on. he brings a hand up to his face, still shifted away slightly.]

...Sorry. [there's a lot more there—and a lot more he needs to say and thank barnham for. but he definitely needs a minute here, because he's just overwhelmed, between the deaths and the relief that barnham is still willing to believe in him...

it's a lot to handle. more than he can take, really.]

[Barnham just nods quietly in response. He's unsurprised by how emotional Noctis is feeling right now--that was a lot to deal with in a very short time, and he gets it. He gets it very well, because this place wears even without those responsibilities dumped on your shoulders. With that on top of everything else... it's no wonder Noct is fraying.

Barnham shifts until he can crouch in front of Noct, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. He won't make him look at him when he's turned away, but that doesn't mean he doesn't give his gaze fixed firmly on Noct.]

... There is nothing to apologize for.

I swore to you that here, I would act as your Shield, and that has not changed. [regardless of role. regardless of what Noct's been doing behind the scenes (though the fact that he hasn't killed anyone is an unspeakable relief to Barnham either way).]

You have been under a large burden during this game, but you have shared that now with me. Allow me to help you bear it.

[At least emotionally... if it'll help remove that downward slant of Noct's shoulders.]

[it definitely helps to have that support. even though barnham has been through a lot and suffered—even if noct knows that it's a bit selfish and unfair to share his burdens in that way—he still appreciates having it.

barnham is reliable; he's strong and principled, and because of that, noct's trust in him is surprisingly unwavering. maybe he shouldn't place so much trust in someone he's only known a few weeks—but he feels like he's making the right choice here.

he nods in response to barnham's words as a result, even if he doesn't look up yet. he's still processing it all, getting a hold of his feelings, and doing his best to trying and not give barnham any reason to worry excessively. but the support helps, and after a couple of minutes, he'll speak up again.]

Guess... it wasn't fair to ask you to be my shield before you even knew why.

[but!] Just... trust me for now. That... may seem obvious about what happened today, it might not be that. And... if I stick up for someone, there's a reason for it.

[mostly, he's anticipating the wrong people being implicated here, and he hopes that barnham can truly trust in his judgment on this matter.]

I'll... talk to the others later, and see how much more we can say. [really, he wants to bring barnham into the fray, because his input could be valuable, but he can't make that promise until the others agree to it, so he doesn't suggest it quite yet.]

[It may not have been fair, but Barnham felt strongly about it then, and he feels strongly about it now. If Noct is going to ask him to trust him now, well... it's too late for him to do anything but that, isn't it? He snorts softly, shaking his head.]

I intend to.

[To trust Noct, to believe in what he says and why... well. It's difficult, because--]

My duty as Inquisitor is to find the truth. But... I do trust you. If you wish to defend someone, I shall assume you have a good reason.

[...]

That much, I can promise you.

I might not always be right. But... I'll use what I know, the best I can.

[he doesn't want to steer barnham wrong, after all. but he knows that there are suspicions that will point to people he truly believes in.

but of course, believing in people doesn't mean they're innocent. so he's just being up front about the possibility is all he can really do right now.]

I believe in that.

[He can believe in Noct, after all. If there's nothing else he's certain of, it's that Noct believes in what's right and won't allow for the wrong...whenever he can.

Whatever they can do, anyway.

The situation is trying to destroy them--

but he still believes in Noct.]

... Thank you for confiding in me, Young Noctis.

[he knows he could, and maybe should reply by way of thanking barnham in return for trusting him...

even despite the fact that he's in a position where he may really have to do dirty work even still if it means helping what few of them remain.]

You know—

[instead, he decides to shift things slightly, something lighter—but also intended to solidify that trust.]

You don't have to be that formal with me.

[... Hm.]

Oh?

[FORMAL IS A WAY OF LIFE, NOCT]

What would you prefer I call you, then?

[but they're friends! he doesn't need to be so formal all the time.]

Just Noctis. Or... Noct, if you want.

[Well... it goes against his general formality, but...]

...Very well then. If that is what you would prefer--then I shall call you Noct.

[He's working on it.]

[to that, he smiles a bit—it's definitely new hearing that from barnham, but it honestly makes him feel much more comfortable, as well.]

Sounds a lot better. I'm not too into all that formality between friends.

[of course, sometimes his friends do refer to him formally, but more often than not, it's just "noct," and that's how he prefers it.]

[He quirks an eyebrow at Noct in return for that.]

You know the reverse is true as well.

[You don't always have to call him by his last name...]

I do not mind if you choose to continue calling me by my last name, as it is goes with my title--but you do not have to.

I don't have to. Just figured you preferred it that way.

[though...]

Might have to shorten it a little. "Zacharias" is kind of a mouthful. [just like he literally never calls gladio by his full name.]

Do with it what you will. It certainly would not be the first time it has been shortened, and it does not bother me.

[Everyone always is so formal with him but he doesn't really mind either way either??? Weird how that works.]

...Zach's got a pretty good ring to it, I think.

[even if it definitely feels a bit strange to give barnham, of all people, a nickname. he's always been so formal, but....

well, it's got charm, right?]

You would not be the first to settle upon that, either.

[There's a fond expression on his face at that, thinking of Rouge and her tavern full of misfits. They're good people despite how they act and their appearances, and honestly, from them it's an honor to be granted a nickname.

From Noct, it's different, but not in a bad way--it still feels right to settle on this.]

Should you feel comfortable with it, I am not opposed.

[well, the way barnham reacts to that—with fondness in his expression—it definitely gives off the notion that it's a good call.]

Zach it is, then. [truly lazy royalty, too lazy for long ass names.]

Muuuuch better. [so much less stuffy, too. even if noct had never bothered with formalities like "mister."]

[He snorts softly, amused as well.]

You did not have to wait so long, if it was truly something that bothered you.

[Six weeks isn't a long time but...on the other hand, it also feels like a long time.]

There... really wasn't much time to think about it before.

[he's been kind of busy with all this stupid murdergame shit?] Guess it's like... Now that it came up, it feels right.

[...yeah, fair]

I suppose you are right.

[Well, either way--]

I believe we've come to a consensus, at least, on all matters.

[This...and what they talked about previously.]

[to that, noct nods his head.]

Yeah. I think... that probably covers everything for now. [he said the things he wanted to say, after all. he accomplished what he set out to do, as well—there's still a lot they have to face...

but noct definitely feels better having barnham on his side this way.]

week 6; secrets

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